The Wednesday of recovery.

So it’s been just over 4 months without satans cabbage and let me tell you it hasn’t been an easy ride. I’ve gone 11 months without smoking before but the difference between then and now is that back then I was simply abstaining as opposed to living a recovery program. The only thing I had that was driving me was the gift of desperation. Which is sometimes all that one needs to get back on track, however, as I’ve recently learnt addiction is often the disease of forgetfulness which was a key reason why I ended up going back after those 11 months. Of course I didn’t know about the nature of this allergy and I thought I was healed, once I got into treatment I quickly learnt that (un)fortunately I will never be able to stay that I have healed or that I am cured. Personally I don’t really like that rhetoric but I understand the message behind it. The message being that as you grow stronger and wiser in sobriety, so does ones inner addict. Cunning, baffling, powerful ones addict truly is. I remember the last time I had hit 3-4 months the thoughts of using were driving me mad just like they are now. This phase is like the Wednesday of recovery. Its that hump that seems insurmountable but once you do its smooth sailing. This is when you realise that in order to succeed one needs to really start working rigorous recovery. This is when the 5 pillars really get put to the test. Not 3 pillars not 4.5 but 5. These past couple of weeks I really have been struggling in regards to finding balance and getting back into a state of flow and I realise it’s because I let my structure go and I wasn’t keeping up with my pillars. As soon as I started reintroducing these things back into my routine everything else started falling into place almost immediately. So I guess the message I want to leave you with in this post is that you have the answers you seek within you and given the right tools; no task, situation or obstacle is ever insurmountable. Do what you must to let that chi kick in, allow yourself to flow through the pits, you know you can do it and if you don’t, I do. You can. So this is me signing out wishing you a blessed and sober day.