If I Hadn't Cracked

If I hadn't cracked

My friends would've kept in contact

The boys would've texted me back

I still would be seen as a snack

But, my name would be on a plaque.

If I hadn't broken

I'd still be just a token

My truth, left unspoken

My fabric, unwoven

That violent explosion

Was pent up emotion

That I had left, frozen

The ice caused corrosion

I ripped like the ocean

But through the commotion, my spirit was woken.

If I hadn't splattered

My mind would be scattered

My body, still tatted

My soul, shamefully battered

I needed to shatter

And separate from matter

In order to see that this was no small fracture.

I was the ultimate scammer

"I'm alright!" I'd stammer

Though in death I found glamour

And it landed me in the slammer.

But, since I did crack...

My life is back on track

I'm more than just my rack

And finally I've got my own back

All the pills, I'd never retract

Even though that shit was whack

Trauma? Yeah I've got that on tap

But truly I owe everything to that.

Soooooo, hey! Been a while! This little poem was something I was prompted to piece together by my counsellor (honestly she's so so soooo much more than that, Claire, if you ever see this I love you Mama Earth Angel!) She pretty much drew up my numerology chart and thought it was blasphemous that I was letting my creativity slide. So it came up in one of our sessions that my overdose in 2018 was still a big source of my issues, insecurities and negative programming. So we thought ok we gonna do all the healing and transmuting, but art. Which is what it's all about right?? So anyways I hope you enjoy it and it offers some perspective. If you ever find yourself where I've been just know you're not alone and I see you, you're ok and I love you.