Chats from the mat.

So last night I got back on my mat for the first time in almost 2 months and wow let me tell you it felt incredible. Even though I was shaking like a polaroid picture (tight muscles store a lot of trauma) it felt so good I felt so at ease and my balance and strength were surprisingly good after so long I didn’t think I’d be able to handle the full class but it was actually a really strong practice and I thought to myself why on earth did I let myself go for so long. Why did I allow myself to get so out of alignment with what I know is good for me? The easy answer is depression, and it being the chronic illness that it is, it comes in waves, it ebbs and flows when it comes to intensity. And it’s such a killer for me because sometimes I don’t even notice when it’s hit me hard until I do something that puts me back into alignment like practicing again or quitting smoking. its only then that I realise, oh shit, I was actually in a really dark place. It’s funny how life does that. How we just exist blindly until we reach a point where we can reflect on ourselves existing blindly. It’s a funny cycle we find ourselves trapped in us humans, but at least if we have knowledge of this cycle it can help us navigate it better. It can help us prepare for the ebbs and flows. It can help us be better equipped in handling our waters. Tonight I’ve got Pilates and I’m ready to meet my cores maker. It feels so good to be back in a state of flow and I know this time it’s going to last. How? Because this state doesn’t feel forced I’m not doing things just to “fix” myself. I’m no longer desperate to change, to heal. I’m just taking it easy and acting in my highest good, and who could get tired of that? So this is me signing out wishing you a blessed and sober day.