Meet your maker

Today - despite the lithium dehydrating me - I'm feeling energised and ready to take on the days challenges and tasks, even if I might end up yawning my way through it. Started off with a fairly strong practice of Ashtanga at Yoga Warrior in Rosebank (Sello is the best teacher ever!). Today when I was hopping around and stumbling in and out of a posture (my energies are helter skelter at the moment) he said he thought I was doing the vosho, lol! On one end its always great when teacher pays attention to you, until ,of course, he's push your back down to the floor and making your tight muscles meet their maker.

Same feeling for when you get new asana. On one hand I'm honoured I, feel recognised. On the other, its like “fuck! This shit is getting intense.”, lol. It's a funny thought pattern that and funnily enough it feels like it reveals my inner addict or at least how she thinks. An example; get so high and drink so much that your regular doesn't affect you anymore. On one hand it's “fuck yes, I'm such a tank!” But on the other its “fuck! This shit is getting intense…”. One difference is that with yoga you won't die (physically, that is) if you do too much. I say physically because I'm sure you won't know what an ego is after you reach a certain point of concurrent undivided practice. Even though its tough dragging myself out of bed at 5am in this winter weather, Ashtanga is always the highlight of my day, especially the chant we offer up every practice. I lose myself after that first “Aum”.

It’s in moments like that when I truly am grateful for my recovery. My drug of choice was Mary Jane, she used to fool me with her pseudo spiritual mask. So I would invite her to all my sacred gatherings; yoga, prayer, meditation and she would somehow always insist on sitting at the head of my table. If I didn't let her she would throw a tantrum and use my neurotransmitters against me, as her personal punching bags. She is a woman scorned, after all. I can't claim she's all bad, she's great if all you're seeking is a mad ride through the astral plane, just don't get too used to it. If you do it's possible she might forget about you and leave you there, forgetting to accompany you on your decent back into the physical plane. For those of us who have been forgotten before, the western world calls our condition psychosis, or whatever other drug induced mental illness they love to throw around these days. But truly its just inter dimensional travel gone wrong, or at least in by my experience and what I've seen. I just think we’ve been opened up and left vulnerable, so naturally the esoteric vultures will prey on our weakened souls. Luckily thats no longer my situation. Me and MJ decided, officially, to part ways. So this is me signing out, wishing you blessed and sober day!

#yoga #selfimprovement #recovery #sobriety